By Marcus T. Wile, Orten Cavanagh Holmes & Hunt, LLC
Involvement in the management or governance of a community association inevitably involves interacting with individuals whose conduct, communication style, or circumstances create challenges and frustration. These personalities can be abrasive, difficult, rude and can trigger certain instincts in people to handwave away these people to help preserve the peace. It is an understandable reflex but it is not always the right approach and can make things worse rather than better.
Types of Difficult Personalities:
- Violent or abusive – Individuals who threaten, harass, or engage in physical or verbal abuse toward board members, managers, vendors, or other residents.
- Apathetic – Owners who ignore communications, fail to comply with rules, or disengage entirely until enforcement becomes inevitable.
- Loud – Owners who dominate meetings, speak over others, or use volume and disruption to exert influence.
- Litigious – Owners who frequently threaten or initiate legal action, file complaints, or weaponize legal processes to advance their grievances.
- Delinquent – Owners who fail to pay assessments or comply with financial obligations, often accompanied by defensiveness or hostility.
- Listen actively without interrupting or becoming defensive.
- Stay calm, as reflected in tone of voice, word choice, and body language.
- Provide a reasonable explanation for why the association is or is not taking particular action.
- Invite owner input when appropriate, helping them feel invested rather than opposed to the decision-making process
General Strategies:
Communication: Clear, consistent, and transparent communication is one of the most effective tools for preventing conflict. Much tumult in communities comes from owners who feel they are in the dark or believe that the association is making secret decisions. Open meetings with genuine encouragement for community involvement helps to foster trust and reduce speculation and conspiracy theories. Enacting – and ensuring that members are aware of – a code of conduct regarding participation in meetings helps to set expectations in advance, particularly regarding meeting decorum, allows boards to limit disruptions while remaining fair and consistent. Additionally, association websites, newsletters, and email blasts – even when notice may not be legally required – can be a powerful tool to help keep homeowners informed and reduce misinformation.
Listen: Just because people may behave in difficult ways does not always mean they are wrong. The messenger may be flawed but they may be delivering an important message that is, in fact, in the best interest of the community. Even if the opinion is misplaced, listening genuinely and compassionately does not mean that the community needs to agree but it does demonstrate that the association respects and cares for its members. Often, owners simply want to be heard. Providing space for expression can diffuse tension before it hardens into hostility.
Compassion: Compassion is not weakness. It is the most effective form of de-escalation.
De-Escalation Tips:
When people feel involved, respected, and understood, they are far more likely to accept outcomes they may not have been in favor of or prefer.
When Compassion is Not Enough:
Sometimes compassion is not enough, and the association must result to legal action. Prior to filing a lawsuit against a homeowner, carefully review and consult with counsel regarding any prerequisites or limitations on legal action. Common claims may include seeking temporary restraining orders (TROs) and injunctive relief, nuisance claims, collection and foreclosure, or even eviction (if a tenant and if authority is expressly provided in the governing documents).
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to dealing with difficult personalities. Serving on a board of directors or being employed as a community manager does not mean that you have volunteered to endure abuse or be put in danger. Certain behaviors require immediate and strict responses. However, much of the time the expression of a difficult personality is a misguided protection mechanism covering for something else. Compassion, care, and communication help to uncover what is really going on and get to the heart of the issue. Successful community governance requires flexibility, patients, and judgment – balancing empathy with enforcement and compassion with the rule of law.
Marcus T. Wile is an attorney with Orten Cavanagh Holmes & Hunt, LLC where he focuses on all manner of litigation matters in addition to general counsel representation of common interest communities. Marcus is a frequent speaker at educational events for community association boards of directors and managers and is a member of the CAI-RMC Editorial Committee.
